Teen sexuality & sleepovers

Most of Lizzy's friends at this point are either gay or bi. This is something I've known for awhile now and the kids have become pretty open with me about. Recently her two best male friends have both had their first boy friends. Her very best friend J decided to tell his dad. He lives with his dad and grandfather and his mom lives in another state so he and his dad are pretty close. It went pretty well as these things go. His dad's initial reaction was that he's still the same person and that he loves him no matter what. After thinking about it for a day he decided maybe he is confused and needs counseling and by the way Jimmy can't sleep over anymore because he's probably the one putting these ideas in your head. Now I know J does like Jimmy and they did date at one point and probably will again. I also know J had been checking out boys at the mall with Lizzy long before he met Jimmy.



Lizzy and her friends remind me of a big pile of puppies. They are just all over each other all the time. They hug and punch and cuddle and generally hang all over each other all the time. I do remember being like that as a kid with my gang. It was so much fun then. That innocent intimacy that is so natural to teens. Once upon a time I was telling Liz she couldn't date until she was sixteen and I would never have dreamt of letting a boy sleep over. Now I've reached a point that I know Liz is going to do what she wants and more importantly NOT do what she doesn't want to. She's not afraid to ask for help if she needs it. Also her female friends are just as likely to make a move on her as her male friends. So I just let it go and trust her. It's harder than it sounds and she calls me on it all the time. It's easy to say yes, I trust her judgment and much harder to really TRUST her. To put that feeling of trust into trusting actions. Practice, practice, practice.

Summertime fun

Ever since all Liz's friends got out of school for the summer it's been pretty non stop. She either has someone over or she's at someone else's house. Her social input is just non stop. This is great in a lot of ways. I know she is having the time of her life. She has put together quite a cool little tribe for herself. The kids are interesting and a lot of fun. I get to be the cool mom and I know they like hanging out at my house. I'm the only mom they talk freely about who is going out with who, especially if it is same sex couples. I know who her friends are and I have a general idea of what they are up to. My mom was the same way for my sister and I so i am happy to do this for Liz. Drive them around, feed them, listen to them. I complain sometimes but really I love it.

I appreciate this moment of parenting the same way I appreciated when she was very small. It is totally intense but so brief and precious. I want to close my eyes and remember exactly what this feels like. When she was small I would try and hold onto the memory of what it felt like to hold her. When she fit along the length of my arm, the length of my torso, on my hip, in my lap. My memory has always worked in small snaps of time. I was so terrified I would forget her childhood I worked extra hard at making sure I held onto those snaps of time. I want to hold onto this moment in the same way. The swirl of teenagers, the noise, the laughter. She is waking me up in the middle of the night and making lots of demands of my resources just like when she was little too. At least there are no diapers : )

This rocks!

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My girlie is home!

Lizzy is home! She had such a great time. She brought the map from Busch Gardens to show me everything she did. Now that she's the roller coaster queen some of the rides she used to think were scary are totally boring. I have never been on a roller coaster in my life but I'm glad she likes them. Where fear holds me back she blazes through. It's good to know that whatever mistakes or struggles Liz deals with they will almost certainly be different than mine. Sometimes that means I have no idea how to help her but we keep working on it together.

Apparently Water Country was just OK. She used to like water slides but just doesn't any more. Tyler got annoyed because he really wanted her to go with him but that child will never do what she doesn't want to. She said there were 2 different kind of "lazy river " rides that I would have loved. One with a tube and one without. They don't make you get out like at six flags. The tubes just float around and you grab one and use it until you want to get out. So cool!

Busch Gardens

Lizzy and Tyler had a blast at Busch Gardens. There was only one ride she wasn't able to go on because she was too big for the harness. Tyler's mom said she had problems on the same ride that the seats were smaller. She went on every roller coaster and had a great time. They all got sun burns a few days ago at the beach but it didn't seem to ruin their day at all. The day after the beach she texted her god mother aka my best friend about it. I get a phone call and the first thing she said was hadn't I taught the child about sunscreen. Liz cracked up when I told her I got yelled at for her getting a sunburn. That child knows darn well she never had a sunburn when she was little enough for me to be responsible for all the sun screening. I even made a point of asking if she had sunscreen with her. She said they were sun screening like crazy yesterday. Today is Water Country then tomorrow they are heading home!!

North Carolina

Liz got to go in the ocean today while in North Carolina. She thought it was so cool that the water was so different than in New England. It never occurred to her that the ocean wouldn't be cold like it is here. I've never had the chance to be in the ocean an other parts of the country so I think it's cool that she has opportunities that I've never experienced. We both love the ocean so much I can only imagine what a joyous time she and Tyler had playing in water that was cool but not painful to get in. Personally I'm a New England girl and I think that's half the fun of it.

The teen is traveling

So Lizzy called me from the mall on Sunday and said I should let her go with Tyler. Then Tyler got on the phone and said he and his mom were heading to North Carolina to see his grandparents and then go to Busch Gardens on the way back. When were they leaving? Monday. Yikes! So I talked to Tyler's mom, did some laundry & cleaned out my bank account. So much for the bills this month : ) As of last night they had stopped to spend the night in Virginia and all was well.

Two years ago Liz couldn't spend the night away from home because of crippling anxiety attacks. Now she can throw a bag together and hop in a car to take off for a week on less than a days notice. And I let her! We've come a long way baby.

I got the teen stamp of approval

Lizzy finally decided to check out the blog and was amazed her mom actually had something interesting to say. She says it's only interesting because it's mostly about her : ) She is totally fascinating to me anyway!

Old Songs is fun!

Last weekend my mom, Liz and I went to New York for our annual trek to Old Songs. This festival of traditional music, dance and story telling is a 13 year tradition for us. My mom got introduced to Old Songs by Harriet her best friend for 20 years. This is one of the many wonderful things that Harriet introduced to our family. It is a really neat family event with lots to do for everyone.

When Liz was little she loved everything but the music. Her favorite thing was the huge sand pile they set up for the kids. The last few years she was one of the older kids and was the queen of the sand pile. I knew this year would be fun for her because she has been so into all different kinds of music. Some things we did together and sometimes we did our own thing. At one point she was walking around with her phone in one ear, her ipod in the other and walking by people everywhere playing different music. She said the input was crazy.

The only down side was being way short on cash because Liz's dad got laid off so no child support this month. Liz didn't get her paycheck either so she didn't have her own money. It was hard for her to deal with wanting so many things and not be able to have them. On Sunday I had 2 $20 so I gave her one and I kept one. She was planning on gong the day without eating so she could get a henna tattoo. I bought her a piece of pizza because I couldn't stand it. The the henna lady wasn't even there and she just got pissed at me. That sucked.

I heard some great tunes. I went to a blues, funny songs and protest songs workshops. Also a really cool workshop on the history of music. There was a traditional gourd banjo and the sound was totally different. One of the blues guys played a cigar box guitar. I could not believe the sound he got from one string and a box. It was amazing. I heard this same guy a few years ago and fell in love with the steel guitar. I'm hoping for his new CD for Christmas.